Change is Hard; Even when the Change is Good

I have been thinking a lot about a year ago. A year ago I thought I would be alone forever. A year ago I didn't know Chad. A year ago Chad's life was very different. 

In the last eight months, I have only sat down to write four times. To say that there has been a lot of change, is an understatement. To say that I have been busy is also an understatement. 

In the words of the Fresh Prince, "my life got switched, turned upside down." I spent five years basically doing everything by myself. I had five years of being a widow, being single, being a single mom, and wondering when things would change for me. 

Well, things changed. I found my person and he found me. We got married and we started making a life together. Not alone. Not a widow. No longer a single mom. 

Yay!

At church one Sunday we were encouraged to tell our stories. We need to tell people how God showed up for us. My experience with God is that he always comes through. He is always faithful and always does what He says He will. He told me He would redeem my story, and He did. He showed up in a big way and made it very obvious that He was in this. 

He continues to be in this and is helping us and walking through the hard places with us. You guys, there are still hard places. This isn't a cake walk and life didn't instantly become easier because I have Chad. It is still hard, but now I have my person there with me to walk with me through the hard. God is also still walking right there with me, in his gentle presence. And the person he made for me is there now to physically hold my hand and remind me that God has us. 

The world is still dark and scary. I had to have shoulder surgery and my daughter had knee surgery and my other daughter is seeing a urologist, a hematologist and rheumatologist. We are navigating FAFSAs and taxes and another girl graduating high school and going off to college. We have four kids living in our house this summer and we just finished seven weeks of construction on our basement. We are navigating how to be a blended family and how to balance all of the things. 

There is a voice that continues to whisper to me that I can't handle the hard, but I know that isn't true. 

I didn't think that finding love would make everything easy, but I guess I thought it wouldn't be quite this hard still. I thought maybe I would get a little break. However, I didn't get a break. There have been a lot of hard things to navigate; including so much change. 

We were talking a couple of weeks back and the only things that haven't changed about Chad's life in the last year are his name, his dog, his truck and his job. Sort of sounds like a country song. He literally gave up most of his life to come live with us in Warsaw. I am thankful for this, and I am in awe of this sacrifice. 

We are happy, and I am still pinching myself from time to time to check and see if this is all a dream or if I really found this amazing guy who is more than all the things I told God he needed to be. 

A lot can change in a year, and truthfully things continue to change. While we are dealing with the day-to-day and doing life together; so much healing continues to happen. 

But change is hard, even when it is good change. If we allow change to happen and we allow God to work in our lives he really does make beauty from ashes. When I think about everything we went through to get here and I think about all of the loss and hurt and trauma, it takes my breath away. 

If you had told me a year ago that I would be here now, I would say you're crazy, that isn't going to happen. Goes to show what I know.