Come and See What God has done

I have barely written in the last year and half. I have time off work this week and I told myself we are going to sit down and write even if we don't know what to write about. I talk to myself a lot when I get serious. 

I have been thinking a lot this week about Christmas and what it means. I have always loved Christmas time and there has always been some magic about this time of year that draws me in. I have struggled since my kids got big, to try to keep and capture that magic that we had when they were small and filled with wonder over everything Christmas. Ever since my husband died, six and half years ago, I have tried extra hard to make it special for my girls. I think because I get sad at Christmas, and I am pretty sure they do too even if they wouldn't admit it. 

There are so many triggers this time of year; family getting together and him not being here, his ornaments on the tree, his insistence on having a real tree and now we have fake trees, and on and on. So, I always think that putting the tree up is going to be fun with the girls. Then we go to do it and it isn't fun at all. My expectations are too high, they don't want to do it, and I get mad. 

I keep trying to make sure that we do all the traditions, and I deck the house all out. I want them to over the top love their presents. Really, I just want them to know how very much I love them and I want them to feel joy. In the end I feel exhausted and disappointed, and I don't even know if they understand what I've tried to do for them. So, I feel under appreciated and wonder why I do any of it. 

I want to enjoy Christmas, but what I am doing now isn't working. I need to figure out a new way. 

One of my favorites this year for music has been the Maverick City Music version of Noel. It says, "Come and see what God has done. Noel, Noel, the story of amazing love."

I was thinking on that this morning. God has done so much for my family and I. I am married now, and my husband does an amazing job of being my partner and making me feel appreciated. He sees all I do for the family and tells me. And even better he is right there working side by side with me. There is so much love and I feel God's amazing love the way Chad loves me.  I am learning to let some things go that I don't need to do. 

The key of all of this is remembering what God has done. Focusing on how far we have come. Seeing how much joy our lives hold now. Grief is unpredictable and complicated. Sometimes it sneaks up in the middle of our joy and rains on some parades. However, there is so much growth that has come from our losses. 

We have so much to be thankful for. Come and see what God has done. 

I got a new job at work that challenges me and keeps me thinking up new solutions. I got a pay raise. My co-workers are more than that; they are friends and family. Chad's business is doing really well. We are growing and learning in our relationship. We are trying new things and challenging ourselves physically and spiritually. Our kids are growing up and being responsible and discovering how to be grown ups. They are doing well with school, and jobs, and life.  Chloe is an extra challenge right now but we know that too will pass. 

We got to go to cool new places this year like Sedona and Seattle. We are learning new sports and decorating our house together to make it our own. And as much work as that has been, it has been fun to see it come together. We are learning to be a blended family and all the pasts and personalities and places that each of our kids have and are in. Now, I have to watch myself as I want Chad's kids to also feel so much love and joy at Christmas and I can't control that. 

I have to remember for the thousandth time that all I can do is pray. God I pray that our family and friends would feel your joy and love. Not just at Christmas but as we return to life. 

So, as I sit here this morning, stressing about the giant mess that my whole house is with five kids in it right now; I just need to be thankful for the kids and the mess. It means we have lots to love. I can be thankful for a house that holds them all and for stuff to make us comfortable and entertain us. And the mess is a reminder that we live. Because in two days we will be back down to two kids and then a week after that only one kid. 

And when they go back to their lives then I can pick up the house, or not, depends on how I feel that day. 

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas in whatever form that took for you. I hope you can look back at your year, good or bad and see the blessings, the growth and the love. Can you see what God has done?