Plot Change; Love Wins

In six days, I am marrying my best friend. 

In the history of plot changes in my life, this one is at the top of the list, I couldn't have seen it coming. I hoped. I prayed. I wished. God provided. If you had told either of us five months ago that we would get married in November, we would have thought you were crazy.  

Chad and I met five months ago, online, and those five months feel like five years. It feels like he is the piece my life has been missing, and the person I had to wait five years to find. When I asked God all these years how long I would have to be alone, the answer was until the right person was available, wait. 

You want to understand how this happened so fast, how we know? I can't tell you that for sure. However, we knew it after the second date. All I can say is God is in charge here.

This is the redemption to our stories and we believe that we are באַשערט, bashert; soulmates, the one God intended for me. 

There is no clear path when it comes to dating and marriage in your forties; oh and don’t forget the baggage, the grief and the kids. One day you’re married, have been for years, and next day you’re filling out forms checking the single box.

All the sudden you’re navigating things you haven’t dealt with since you were 20. You go from having a someone who knows your every quirk and like; to telling people your favorite color and what you’re looking for in a relationship. If I never answer that question again, it will be too soon. 

Then you get blessed and find someone perfect for you. Now what? How do you tell your kids? How do you get to know their kids? How do you balance two loves and two families and everything that came before? How do you communicate to the other person's children how much you love their parent, and just want to love them and be their friend. 

If I figure it out, you’ll be the first to know. 

However, I will tell you what I have learned. 

Each situation is as unique as the individuals involved. There is no one size fits all formula. Just like in parenting; you can read all the parenting books and get all the advice, but it comes down to the individual child and who they are and what their needs are. You cannot put a widow, a couple or a single person in a box. 

While what Chad and I went through is similar, it is also very different. He has not been single as long as I have, but he has had more time to process his loss and has mourned the illness and loss of his wife for longer. 

What I can tell you is we are doing marriage counseling. We are doing all of the things we can to make sure we are doing this right, to the best of our ability. However, we are also stepping out in faith, holding on to each other and trusting God. What I can tell you is we have talked about all of the things from finances and family, conflict and sex, children and future plans. What I know is we are walking into this with eyes wide open, knowing how hard marriage can be, and that we have to work together and we will figure it out. 

We also know how very short life is, and we have found the one our hearts' love and we want to spend as much time together as possible. It is scary, because we know that we don't know how much time we will get together, but we know it is worth the risk. Love is always worth the risk.

We appreciate your concern and we love that you love us enough to wonder if we are making the right choice. What you can do for us is pray. Pray for our relationship that we will keep God in the center and we will continue to have patience and love to work through the hard things. Pray for our children that this transition and time of change will be a positive time for them. We pray that they will feel they can talk to us and ask questions. We pray that they will see how much we love them and how much we love each other. We are here for all of it. 

And we know that in the end Love Wins!