What the heck is an Ebenezer and how does it help with this grief battle?

I saw on Facebook today a quote by John Eldredge that said "Christianity is a love story set amid war." This world is hard and living each day is a battle sometimes. There are hard things we face in this life.  Sometimes we lose the ones we love long before we expected to and it turns our lives upside down. 

I get asked sometimes about my faith in God and how I reconcile what happened to us and to Justin from a faith perspective. Why would a loving God take a husband, father, son, brother and friend at 41 years old? And the honest answer to how do I justify it, is I don't. I may never understand how what happened on June 27th five years ago was part of a plan. 

All I know is on that day I knew I had a choice. I could get bitter or I could choose to lean into my faith. I chose the later. I knew that I had no clue what I was facing going forward. I had never felt so helpless and out of control. I knew I needed back-up and armor in order to fight this war I was facing. 

I could say the regular expected things; like God has a plan and I am not God so I cannot understand his ways or the greater scheme in all of this, but that doesn't seem to cover it. I don't know what the plan is and I don't get the larger picture. Honestly, most of the time it feels like a big pile of poo that I have fallen into and can't get out of. 

We have a choice if we believe in God. What I mean to say is, we can choose anger and frustration and shake our fists at God because he doesn't feel loving. And I firmly believe he can take this anger. Or we can choose to be warriors in the battle and fight with God. 

We can fight the war with God or without God. I choose to have God on my side. 

There is a song I love right now by Chris Renzema called "Just as Good" here are part of the lyrics. 

And You're still just as good as when I met You 

You're still just as kind, don't let me forget that 

You're Still the same God that led me through the fire 

You're still the same God who separates the waters 

Come do what only You can do 

God, I need You, oh 

And I will build an altar 

And stack it stone by stone 

'Cause every Ebenezer says I've never been alone 

My faith will surely falter 

But that don't change what You've done

'Cause every Ebenezer points to where my help comes from 

Ever since I heard this song I have been thinking about Ebenezers. In 1 Samuel 7:13–14 it says that “Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the LORD has helped us.’” Ebenezer means “stone of help.” The reason this is important is because as humans we have short memories and we forget. Setting up a stone or an altar is a way of remembering what happened. Remembering gives us hope because as we look back along the way we can see all the ways that God has been with us.

There have been so many hard things over the last five years. With each one, every time I have laid it down, God has picked it up. Each time I remain filled with faith and give control to God he comes through. He has helped me. 

I need to find a way to mark these Ebenezers so that I remember God's faithfulness. He has come through every time with finances, health, kids, cars, jobs, and boys. I can tell you story after story of how he has been faithful. This is where I get hope in darkness.

I still don't know why bad things happen or why we have to endure hard times. 

I do know where my help comes from.

I know for sure that living this life on Earth is a war, a daily battle. 

I choose to fight this war with the one who has walked me through each fire and the one that gives me hope. 

I can't give you the nice packaged answer to how I justify a loving God allowing bad things to happen. I can't give you the facts and figures that got me to believe in him. All I can tell you is I have seen him all along the way; leading, directing, dragging, helping, providing, and lifting. 

They call it faith for a reason.