Redeeming the Ashes, Making something New

Thinking of how I got here. After the hurt I experience a year and a half ago I took a lot of time off of dating. I focused on healing. I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be tempted again to get into an unhealthy relationship. I wanted to make sure I healed the things that made me vulnerable before to mistakes and ignoring red flags. 

I did a couple of dating experiments in the summer of 2021 to see how I would handle it. I wanted to know if I could go out with someone and know whether they were good or bad for me. I wanted to see if I could enjoy the attention and fun and still be able to walk away if I knew they weren't someone I should be dating. 

These experiments were successful for me. I knew what I wanted and needed, and I walked away. I also knew I wasn't ready. I was still dealing with a lot of side effects of trauma and my heart wasn't healed or ready. 

In February, I decided I was ready to look. I downloaded Match and started checking to see what was out there. I had been told four years ago that when I was ready to look for someone serious I should do eHarmony, but I didn't do eHarmony. I guess maybe I didn't think I was ready for something serious or deep down I didn't believe what I was looking for existed. 

On Match, I talked to a lot guys, but there was nothing there. There was a long line of people who either couldn't hold a conversation or I just wasn't interested in. Then there were the people who claimed to be what I was looking for, but sure didn't act like it. My person didn't appear to be out there. I almost gave up so many times. But two of my friends for some reason kept believing for me that this person was out there, and encouraged me to keep looking.

I got really disappointed in people and just really felt down about the options. I was reminded that a lot of these people are single for a reason and yes I know that. So, I said Crystal, I like to use my name when I have really serious conversations with myself. Crystal, you said you were going to do eHarmony when you were serious about this. Are we serious now? So, I downloaded eHarmony. 

The third day I was on eHarmony, I got a like from a guy who was also a widow. Now, I will always talk to a fellow widow any time, any place. So, I wrote him back and we started chatting. He was cute, lives 3 hours away, does IT work, active, and it says on his profile he loves Jesus. 

From the beginning our conversation was very easy. There was this easy going, very genuine feeling I got from him. We wrote back and forth for about five days and then exchanged numbers. Then we started talking on the phone for 2 hours at a time. Chad was in the middle of his sons graduation and open houses and all the other busyness that comes from that time. I was about to leave in a week for Colorado and Kansas. So, we planned a Thursday evening get together for our first date. 

He drove all the way up here, three hours to meet me and take me out. We walked, talked, ate burgers and just enjoyed being together. I knew I wanted to see him again. 

So, we met in Kokomo 4 days later and had the most lovely time having dinner and hanging out in a local park. It was like something from a movie, dancing to no music in a covered bridge. I was smitten and so was he. Chad felt like an old friend that I had reconnected with. Like our souls had known each other for a long time. 

Both of us had talked when we started this about taking it slow and not rushing into anything. From the get go both of us were praying over this relationship. We asked God to make it very obvious whether he was in this. 

I wrote this list last May. I told God exactly what I needed a person to be in order for me to get into a relationship with them. I told him that he needed to bring me this person, and show me that this person is who he has for me. I needed this relationship to to bring glory to God, to redeem the old and the broken and the hurt. 

I needed it to be very obvious that this person was trustworthy and that they were pursuing God. 

God came through like he always does, just when we least expect it. He has been in every part of this and we both continue to feel his confirmation as we have continued to get to know each other and grow closer. 

But it isn't moving slowly, we aren't rushing, but it feels as though this thing between us is moving at it's own speed and doing it's own thing. We keep trying to do the right things; praying for our relationship and each other, worshiping God together, having hard conversations, and talking through each thing that comes along. 

I know there will be hard things, especially with kids, but this man makes my heart sing. Chad seems to know the rhythm of my soul and we keep moving in unison. He is everything I dreamed he would be and more. As I watch him; with my kids, chat with my Dad, help me around my house, and talk to his kids on the phone, I love his heart more and more. He is the banks to my river and the mountain to my storm. I want to hold his hand every day and see his face and be able to share with him every part of my life. 

I feel God redeeming my story as I trust him and trust Chad. God is showing me new beginnings and the fullness of his love. He promised me that I would see good again, and as I trust him I see his faithfulness again and again. I just had to wait on his timing.