I am so good at Waiting

Have you ever met someone who says, I am so good at waiting? I know I haven't, and I am sure not good at waiting. Why do we think that waiting should be easier than it is? 

We are a fast food, doordash, instacart society. We want everything now. 

I am currently in a period of waiting. I am waiting on healing, waiting on changes, waiting on forgiveness, and waiting on God. 

It's really not very fun. I am an action oriented gal. I like plans, to-do list, steps to check off and deadlines. I like to plan for what is next so I am not vulnerable. I definitely don't like waiting. I like doing. 

Right now there are things I can do, but none of them are things I want to do. They are things like resting, taking it one day at a time, healing, listening, and waiting. OH the waiting. I was reminded this week that healing isn't like Amazon Prime, it doesn't take two days, there is no estimated arrival on healing. 

We just have to dig in and wait. When we have been through trauma and loss, that waiting is like going through rehabilitation from surgery. It is grueling and hard and painful. It takes work, but we have to do the work to get to the healing, to restore what was lost. There is a lot that has been lost for me. There are days here and there were I feel "normal", but most of my days recently have been filled with sadness, stress, anxiety, exhaustion, emotional swings, feeling overwhelmed and nervousness. I am working hard and holding on tight to God for healing, but I am also working on the waiting. 

Just this week I talked to a friend who is waiting on a health situation. They are at a place where there is nothing they can do, but wait and see what the medicine will do. I have a friend who is walking through the pain of divorce. Everything is hard and nothing feels fair and all there is to do is to keep going, keep walking through the hard and keep waiting. Someone else today shared with me that they are ready for a big move for their family, but they can't find a house. So, they are waiting. And she shared with me a verse.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain." Psalm 127:1. She said to me, I am waiting, because I don't want to live in a house that God isn't building. 

I felt that in my soul. I don't want to be in anything or do anything that isn't built by God. I don't want to make plans unless he is in the planning. I tried that once and it didn't work out. I have to wait for God's timing. I have to be patient and heal. I have to learn to be content alone and I have to learn to not let my fears rule me. 

"Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled. My soul also is greatly troubled. But you, O Lord... how long? Psalm 6: 2-3

Through songs, through devotionals, through the sermon on Sunday and through the witness of friends who are also languishing, I have heard God say, wait on me. I have read, in his timing. I have prayed, God give me the strength to wait on you. 

I am tired. It has been a trial and I am here waiting for healing from my trauma on trauma on trauma. I am sad and I am overwhelmed. But God has promised me, 

"but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
    they shall walk and not faint" Isaiah 40:31