Cry out to Jesus

It was kind of a big day, a big deal. It only took 8 weeks but I went a whole day without crying. I know, a miracle, but my world has been hard and it has been heavy for a long time. I even talked about some of my hard things yesterday and I didn't cry. I functioned like a normal human being at work all day and didn't sit at my desk and cry. 

Then the next morning I am driving to work and the Third Day song, Cry out to Jesus got me. 

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
When you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life...

When you're lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes...

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
And love for the broken heart
And there is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are

So, right there in the car driving down Argonne Road, I cried out to Jesus. 

Jesus it isn't fair. My life is hard and heavy. Sydney has to have another lithotripsy, and Macy has three Ds and Chloe thought maybe my ex-boyfriend left because of her. They all had to deal with death and hard way too early. And I am sad and lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on me. And I lost someone I love long before it was their time. And now my heart is broken again and it feels like it will never get better. Please Jesus Fix it. 

I can't tell you that it will be fair. I can't tell you that bad things won't happen. I can't tell you that people will be good or kind. But I can tell you to cry out to Jesus and believe that he cares for you. 

Also, it gets better. Ever so very slowly and quietly, a peace will settle in and you will laugh from time to time and then one day you will realize you didn't cry at all. And you might cry again the next day, but slowly you will return to feeling like you can function in this hard world. You will see that you learned new coping mechanisms and that things are healing. You can look a that picture without feeling upset and you can tell the story without tears. 

Healing happens, we have to feel it to heal it. I have been doing the work. I have done the work for 3 years and 9 months and I started new healing work just 8 weeks ago. And God, he is right there holding me through all of it, whispering in my ear, you can do this, I will not leave you. In the end God is always faithful.