How I'm dealing with Grief

I’m not an expert but after 3 1/2 years of a lot of hard and a lot things that didn’t go how I saw them going this is my coping strategy. I don't think I am done grieving, but this is how I am dealing with grief and loss. 

1. Walk into the darkness. 

Do not run away. Do not think you can numb it or avoid it. Face it head on. I thought at one point in the grief of losing my husband that I could avoid being lonely. I was trying to keep myself from more pointless online dating, but what I did was stop my grief. The only way to get to the light is to go through the darkness. Do the hard things. 

2. Feel it. All of it. And sit in it. 

Some times when you are missing someone, you want to avoid the things that make you think of them. You don’t want to walk down the grocery aisle, and wonder if they are there or if you will see them. But feel it. Think about the time they were there and you saw them coming towards you. And remember the smile on their face. Remember what it felt like when you saw them and they saw you. It hurts like hell cause you can’t see them now. If you saw them it would make every nerve in your body feel hurt and exposed. Feel it. Remember how if felt, swallow that lump in your throat and remember that someday it won’t be so hard. It won’t make you feel shredded. 

3. Find your way to process it. 

Talk it out. Write about it. Paint something. Make something. Look at old pictures. Throw things. Hit a punching bag. Eat ice cream and watch sad movies. Whatever helps you sort your feelings. Do it. 

4. Accept things for what they were and what they are. 

If you lost a job or a relationship accept your fault in the situation and work towards forgiving yourself. If you got hurt, accept how that happened. If you have regrets sort those out and accept them. If the loss made you realize something about yourself accept it. Accept it and move forward. 

5. Work it out - Cry it out. 

I prefer to do both. I am action oriented and I also like to push myself. I like to go to the gym and work it out. Push my body to the breaking point. Sweat it out. All the hard feelings, all the hurt, pain and loss. All the things that didn’t go the way we expected. I sweat it out. Then I cry it out. Sometimes I cry on the elliptical machine. Hey it happens.  

6. Pray pray pray and sing. 

Every time I think about someone who is hurting because of a loss I pray for them. When I am trying to sleep and I can't because of the grief, I pray about it. When I think about the break up and I want to call that person, I pray for them. Sometimes when I am sad I beg God through prayer to take away the hurt and the pain. And, music you guys. Music is a beautiful way to feel and express. Feeling down, listen to sad songs and know you aren't alone and give words to your hurt and loss. Listen to inspirational or Christian music and cry out to God. 

7. Counseling

I cannot say enough good things about counseling and what it has done to help in dealing with the grief of losing my late husband. It has been instrumental in helping my youngest deal with separation anxiety. It has helped my middle with her ADHD and my oldest with her anxiety.  These people are trained to help you walk through life's hard places. 

These two sisters (in-law) of mine, are just part of my support team in dealing with grief. They make me laugh and love it when I laugh so hard I snort. They have all spent many hours talking to me over the last 3 1/2 years.

8. Laughs with good friends

There are not many things more healing for your heart and your head than getting together with good friends and laughing. I have been super blessed over the last three weeks to have so many people reach out and get together with me to chat it up. Tonight instead of being sad about Valentine's Day I am having my friends over for Galentine's Dinner. I hope it will heal all our hearts. 

9. Remember the good. 

When you drive by the restaurant you went that one time, remember the good time you had. Remember the way you laughed and enjoyed each other. It will hurt at first but slowly it won’t hurt as bad. 

10. Live one day at a time and learn. 

Take all of the darkness, the feelings, the writing, the acceptance, the tears all if it and learn from it. One day at a time. Learn how to be better. Learn how to forgive. Learn that life is short. Learn to love again. Learn that God is in control. 

I hope these tips will help you in dealing with grief. I hope that you can learn to sit with it and do the hard things. Do you have a different way that you deal with loss or sadness? Let me know!