Honestly Expressing Sorrow - a new grief

I have been heart broken for a week now, but didn't know how to appropriately express this in my blog or on Facebook. Sometimes grieving isn't about someone dying. A lot of times grief is about what we thought would happen, but it didn't. And it is okay to mourn.

My boyfriend broke up with me last Sunday. I didn't want this, but I do think that in the end this is for the best. I want to be respectful of my ex-boyfriend's feelings and his privacy. Tonight I got some closure on the topic and feel like I can move forward in dealing with this loss. 

I am not mad at him. I am sad and I am missing my friend. I am struggling with picturing again what my life looks like alone, single. I am broken hearted. The really hard part is this feels just like the grief of losing Justin, and the weird part of this sadness is the one person I want to talk to about missing my ex-boyfriend is my ex-boyfriend. So, that's complicated. 

This feels hard and unfair. But I know this is part of the process.  I learned that I can love someone again. I learned all kinds of things and I will keep learning things, cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me. 

But right now, being alone again, it hurts. 

I am mourning the loss of love, and the life I thought we would have together. I am honestly expressing my sorrow. And I am trying so hard to rest in the comfort of a God that promises to comfort those who mourn. The God who says that Happiness and Sadness are roommates. The God who says I am Blessed. And I know God is in this because all of this came from the sermon last Sunday the day this happened with my ex-boyfriend. 

Yesterday at the grocery store. someone asked me how I was. I said, okay. Then I cried, because that is a lie. I am not okay, but I will be someday.