Have Fun Storming the Castle

I frequently quote The Princess Bride to my children. It is a classic that cannot be matched. One of my favorites to use is: “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

I think I didn’t understand this, on so many levels, until my husband died. Then following his death I felt like the pain was chasing me and trying to keep me down. Even on good days there was this constant underlying pain stream. 

The stream was fed by so my things from my Grandma dying to hating my previous job, from having surgery for melanoma to trying to solo parent grieving children, from managing a house by myself to being the only decision maker, parent, provider, etc. What I am saying, is everything was hard. 

I think that society, media, and fairytales teach us that everything should have a happy ending and that life should be painless. The truth is that there is a lot of pain, and sometimes it is the most unbelievable bull crap ever. Sometimes the person who fought cancer and won, gets cancer again. Sometime the young widow, becomes a widow again. 

The truth is also that the pain isn’t the end of the story. For me, the pain, is the climax of the story. The part where I really started paying attention. The part where I sat up in my seat and started taking notes. The part that made me wonder how it was going to go from there. 

When you are in the middle of the pain you don’t care why you are in pain you just want it to stop. The point if you ask me, and you are reading my blog so you get to hear what I think, is to teach us how to look for the joy and the hope. The pain is there to make us strong. I frequently think, but God, I think I am strong enough. 

I like to think that I am a fierce warrior woman. I really am in so many ways. But the other thing the pain taught me is that it is okay to feel and be vulnerable. The breaking made me more attune to the struggles of others. I feel more deeply. I love more fiercely. 

And I hope that I can help others see that life is pain...but you know what? It is also beautiful! Life is laughing, snuggling, talking, sharing, hoping and dreaming. It is hard and it is brutal, but then it is also redeeming and inspiring. 

It isn’t easy to see the good. It isn’t easy to believe that we will not only survive, but we will thrive. I am not saying that the pain makes sense, or that the loss is justified. I am saying that I have a choice. I can try to protect myself from more pain, or I can dive headfirst into life and accept that pain is part of the story. I can see that loving again might mean more pain, or I can see that loving again will also mean more joy. 

Let each hard day and each pain teach you to see the hope. Then let that hope not just be a wish, but let it be a certainty. Though it may feel like we are stuck in the pit of despair; and it may feel like you are mostly dead. It is not the end of the story.  Let your pain hang with your joy. Let the story unfold in mixture of laughter and tears. And don’t forget to “Have fun storming the castle!”