We really are stronger together

There are a million thoughts running around in my head tonight. I was thinking about anxiety, grief, parenting, and on they go. As I sat here waiting, processing, and listening it all really boils down to one thought. That thought is Community. 

My appreciation for community first started in college as I understood the value of having a group of like minded people to walk through life with. People that always had your back, who didn't judge, who prayed for you, who listened and who pour wisdom into your life, while you returned the favor. These people made you laugh, made you cry, and just loved you while you did both. 

I have struggled off and on through my adult life as friends have come and gone from my city and my life, to find community in as rich a form as I had in college. One of the gifts of my loss and grief have been multiple forms of new and old community that have come into my life to do all those things: love, listen, cry, advise, pray, help, laugh, and just sit there too. I have been super blessed with family, church community, Grace College community, and many more ladies and men that have been community to me. 

As I sat in a zoom bible study tonight, one of the things we do now in this time of Covid, and we discussed all of the things, one of the ladies shared some wisdom about "covid fatigue". She defined covid fatigue as this time where we are short on laughter, short on fun, and short on having any clue what to do next. I may have used some liberties with that quote. 

I agree wholeheartedly with this concept of covid fatigue. I have been experiencing it a lot the last few weeks, but what I actually realized was what I had been missing the most because of Covid is Community. What I need is connection in order to be able to deal with covid fatigue or with grief. This pandemic has taken all of our normal community and ways of maintaining self-care and connection and has made us work harder for them. 

I realized that the more we withdraw from each other, from community and connection, the more we start to spiral out of control. What has brought me back from that is connection. Last week I was in an anxiety and depression spiral. As I look back here are some things I did: 

• I got together with a group of friends I haven't seen in a bit and we just talked and laughed and enjoyed being together. 
• I took time for silence. I got back in my garden, by myself, because there isn't a lot of by myself anywhere else in my life except the bathroom. I pulled weeds and I thought and I listened. 
• I planned something fun that we have been wanting to do. We have talked for years, every summer really, about going to a drive-in movie, so I made it happen. It wasn't everything I thought it would be, but it was an escape from the everyday and a time to do something fun together. 
• I got back outside and did some exercise even though it is hot and humid and muggy and did I mention hot. I know darn well that exercise makes my brain happy. Exercise also works off some of that extra energy I carry around and don't know what to do with, so I usually use it to make myself crazy. So, why is it so hard to get back into it when you know it is so good for you?  
• I went back to my community for wisdom. From a Zoom bible study to a Facetime phone call to a regular phone call and also to my co-workers who are like a little extended family of community. 

Here's what I have learned:

• Covid Fatigue is a thing even if we didn't know what to call it. Our kids are unsure because we are unsure. NO ONE knows what will happen next. We need to keep our cool anyway we can. We need to find more ways to laugh and make fun. 
• My friends are funny. We can do this together. 

• Those things we did before Covid to take care of ourselves and to keep sane, we need to keep doing them. We may have to be more creative, but we cannot stop or we will lose our ever loving minds people. Do the exercise, read the book, talk to a friend or just go out and do one thing that feels normal. 
• Go see a professional. You can read all the symptoms or assume it is just your anxiety but stop guessing and go to the doctor. Go see your counselor or do a tele-health appointment. Whether for your health or your mental health we need some outside help and a new perspective sometimes. We need backup to tell us which way is up. 
• We are all stuck in this movie together and it is on pause for all of us. (More wisdom from a friend.) We have all tried replacing the batteries in the remote. We have all pushed the play button hundreds of times, but we are all here, frozen with our faces making some weird expression with our mouths hanging open. We are all longing for the end of the movie. We are all wishing we didn't have to wear masks and do all these things. But folks, this is where we are and we are all stuck. Make the most of it. I got an hour long massage Saturday because that is what self-care looks like for me, and I did it with a mask on the whole time. It wasn't my favorite and it took a little away from the escape, but I still felt like a new woman when I walked out of there. 
• From my bible study I have been doing, I have also been reminded what a powerful roll gratitude plays in our mindset. Instead of all the things we can't do, let's think about all the things we can do. I have been thankful this past week for my boyfriend and for the amazing adventure this relationship has given me. I am thankful for hope for the future. I am thankful for kids that, even though they have their trials, are really good kids. 
• Again from a friend and then reinforced by the bible study, I was reminded that this is not a time of black and white. There is more gray than there is black and white right now. I certainly don't know what the right thing is to do, and we all really just need to give more grace to ourselves and others as we navigate through something none of us have ever experienced. When we fall into all or nothing thinking we start to feel like we have failed. 

It is always fun to me to see where these blogs take me. I always hope it will be helpful to someone. Maybe someone who is walking through grief from loss of a loved one and maybe grief from another loss, like divorce, or even grief over what we thought this year would be like.  

I am clawing and fighting my way through the dark just like you, but when we do it together, in community, we are stronger.