This is not forever, but it is hard right now

This morning I stood in the kitchen with my refrigerator door open, crying. Crying because there is a homemade corn tortilla cheese quesadilla in a bag that says Love You Mama. I know that Sydney made these in the middle of the night because all of the dishes she used are in the sink. I will let it go this time and not be irritated at her because of the mess or because she was probably awake at 3AM cooking. She saved me a quesadilla and wrote me a love note. This made my day.

This week has been hard. Not to throw my other children under the bus, but parenting this week has been exhausting. We are finishing up our fourth week of everyone being home because of COVID-19. We are finishing up our fourth week of everyone working from home, learning from home and not leaving home very much. We are all stir crazy. We are all missing our regular lives. We are all missing friends. For two of my children this is extra hard.

My youngest is struggling with anxiety. Her normal got taken away, again and this makes her feel unsafe and emotional. She is used to a teacher and friends and sitting at a desk with less distractions to get her work done. I am working full time at home. I have meetings and things to get done during normal business hours. I cannot sit and give her work attention. Also, I wasn't made to be a teacher or a stay at home mom. We have solved this by my father taking her three days a week and helping her get her work done.

My middle child has some pretty serious ADHD that combines with some depression frequently. She has taken medication for this for over two years. I noticed recently that she was slipping back into some habits she had before she started the medication. She is not self-motivated. She can't find it in herself to care at all. She lies. She doesn't want me to be upset. She doesn't want to get in trouble.
Long story short, she is three weeks behind on elearning and has lied to me about it not one time, not two times and not even three times. She has lied to me about it so many times I don't know when she is telling the truth even more.

You all parenting is hard. Single parenting is exhausting and parenting during a pandemic is stupid.
We are all doing the best we can with what we have. We all need to give ourselves some extra grace. We need to take breaks when we need them. We need to give our children who struggle normally some extra space to make mistakes. Then we need to shut some crap down, drop the hammer and make changes. What we were doing isn't working. Now phones are taken away and she is sitting next to me all day while I work. This is not ideal. This doesn't make my life easier. But this makes her do what she has to do. She has to do her work. She has to learn responsibility and I have to sit next to her while she works.

I am tired. I am done. I am stressed out. But Sydney helped me remember why I do all of this this morning. She helped me take a deep breath. She reminded me to rest in the love of my family, even when they drive me crazy. This is not forever. Someday my kids will go back to school and I won't work in my house all day. My kids will turn out okay. Thanks Sydney for loving your Mama and seeing when she needs a pick me up.