Just do the next right thing

Our Thanksgiving was spent in Colorado Springs again this year with my late husbands family. It was an awesome time of so much good food, lots of great talks, listening to the kids laugh and enjoy each other, telling stories, and as is usual now, a little crying. 

When we are together in many ways it is like a respite from my everyday life. I laugh more, and am silly more. There are less responsibilities and more people to help with the load. It is always hard the day before we leave to accept that we have to go back to reality. Chloe said to me today, "I wish we could stay longer." Me too girl. 

I got a little emotional this morning about another person I know joining the widow club. I cannot help but feel all the feels over knowing that another Mom is sitting there the day after, making funeral plans and wondering how this is her life now. It just guts me. 

Then we went to see Frozen 2. It really was a very good movie for a sequel. Olaf is as fantastic as ever. I laughed and then I cried. There is a part that is very sad and about grief, sorry for any spoilers. Anna thinks she has lost two very important people, and she sings this song about what to do next. Now cue the tears. I had to get tissues out. 

She asks all the questions we have all asked about grief. How can we get back up? How is this what my life is now? How do I deal with the darkness and loneliness? 

The third verse got me good. 

"Can there be a day beyond this night?
I don't know anymore what is true
I can't find my direction, I'm all alone
The only star that guided me was you
How to rise from the floor
When it's not you I'm rising for?
Just do the next right thing
Take a step, step again
It is all that I can to do
The next right thing"

I am so thankful that I didn't just get my guidance and direction from Justin, but from God. However, I get that feeling of losing the person who told you the things you needed to hear. Who knew you so deeply and truly that they could tell you just what you needed to turn it back around. I needed that and I still miss it. He could always look at something with a cool head and fresh eyes. When he died I didn't lose the star that guided me, that star is God. What I did lose was big and it had a gravity that held me down. 

But what she says at the end... Just do the next right thing and take a step. This is my mantra with grief. This is how I get through each day. I cannot think about the groceries I need when we get back home tomorrow night or having to get up to go to work. I cannot think about how hard next weekend will be or how we will do Christmas this year. I have to just take a step, and step again. I cannot wonder what the new year will hold. I have to focus on here and now. 

All I can do is the next right thing. Sometimes the next right thing is keeping your mouth shut when you should, or telling someone you are here with them if they need you. Sometimes the next right thing is saying no to everything and staying home all weekend. Sometimes the next right thing is paying someone to clean your house, or not worrying about how many times you went out to eat that week. 

Sometimes the next right thing is taking the time to think about all the next right things you have done, and remembering all the steps you took and the ones you took after that.