What will 2019 have to offer and what do I have to give?
When 2017 ended I said, adios, good-bye, arrivederci, and don't let the door hit you in the butt. With 2018, I don't feel that way. I can't say it has been the best year yet, but it has been okay. It has definitely been a year of growth and change.
I want to face 2019 with good expectations, but also with no expectations. The changing of the calendar year doesn't change what we have been through. Though time does heal wounds.
I don't really do New Years' resolutions, but I did decide in 2017 after Justin died that I was going to do my part to make it more likely I will stick around for a while to take care of my girls. In February last year I started dieting and in August I started lifting weights and doing cardio five days a week with the best workout partner. I don't do it right every day, but I have lost 30 pounds and over 15% of my body fat. So, I will continue down this path but remember why I am doing it.
Here are my resolutions for 2019.
I am resolved to not expect that a new year means a fresh start. I will manage my expectations.
I will face the new year with a positive attitude, most of the time.
I am resolved to remember that grief bursts will happen.
I will face these with the knowledge that they will pass and get better. I will not always feel like this.
I am resolved to look for the opportunities God gives me to help people.
I will face these opportunities knowing that each one will give me joy.
I am resolved to take care of me, in whatever form this takes.
I will remember that just because I eat bad sometimes and don't always exercise, I am still taking care of me.
I am resolved to face each trial that comes my way head on with faith.
I am resolved to give my anxiety over to the one that helps that carry my load.
I will remember that even though I feel alone, God is always by my side.
I am resolved to be truthful but kind.
I am resolved to take it one day at a time, and when that is too much, one hour at a time.
I will remember that I am being the best Mom I can be.
I am resolved to live each day to its fullest and remember life is short.
I will have fun, laugh, try new things, love people, travel, dance and sing.
I am resolved to give up my illusion of control and remember that God is always faithful to me.
I will trust that God has a plan to redeem and restore.
I am resolved to heal and remember all the love, fun and memories that are the life we had with Justin.
I will trust that as we move forward God will continue to guide our path.
I hope that 2019 will bring you joy and peace, and even when it doesn't and it sucks and is hard, remember that putting one foot in front of the other will get you there eventually. Grief is hard, and physically and mentally exhausting. But life, life is hard too. Even without the grief we have faced so many challenges the last year and we will face more. It is so easy to get bogged down in the bad, but I have to stop and remember the good.
I lost my eye glasses on a tubing hill in Colorado last week. It was a small thing but just felt debilitating. I can see, things are just fuzzy far away and I can't read signs till I am on top of them. But you know what I can see. I already had an eye doctor appointment scheduled for tomorrow and I have old glasses that will get me through till then, even if my daughter says I look like an old lady in them. Also, I got to go tubing in Colorado and it was fun. Macy twisted her knee skiing for the first time in Colorado last week. But she can still get around and it is getting better. She got to go skiing in Colorado and she got her very own wheel chair ride through the airport. Sydney has to have surgery on her mouth on Friday and it sucks that she has to do this and it is scary and inconvenient. But we have insurance and I have time off to take. I have money to pay for surgery and we have medical capabilities available to us to fix what could cause her some major dental issues in the future. Life is hard people, but I just try to remember that I have so much to be thankful for and we have already survived so much.
I want to face 2019 with good expectations, but also with no expectations. The changing of the calendar year doesn't change what we have been through. Though time does heal wounds.
I don't really do New Years' resolutions, but I did decide in 2017 after Justin died that I was going to do my part to make it more likely I will stick around for a while to take care of my girls. In February last year I started dieting and in August I started lifting weights and doing cardio five days a week with the best workout partner. I don't do it right every day, but I have lost 30 pounds and over 15% of my body fat. So, I will continue down this path but remember why I am doing it.
Here are my resolutions for 2019.
I am resolved to not expect that a new year means a fresh start. I will manage my expectations.
I will face the new year with a positive attitude, most of the time.
I am resolved to remember that grief bursts will happen.
I will face these with the knowledge that they will pass and get better. I will not always feel like this.
I am resolved to look for the opportunities God gives me to help people.
I will face these opportunities knowing that each one will give me joy.
I am resolved to take care of me, in whatever form this takes.
I will remember that just because I eat bad sometimes and don't always exercise, I am still taking care of me.
I am resolved to face each trial that comes my way head on with faith.
I am resolved to give my anxiety over to the one that helps that carry my load.
I will remember that even though I feel alone, God is always by my side.
I am resolved to be truthful but kind.
I am resolved to take it one day at a time, and when that is too much, one hour at a time.
I will remember that I am being the best Mom I can be.
I am resolved to live each day to its fullest and remember life is short.
I will have fun, laugh, try new things, love people, travel, dance and sing.
I am resolved to give up my illusion of control and remember that God is always faithful to me.
I will trust that God has a plan to redeem and restore.
I am resolved to heal and remember all the love, fun and memories that are the life we had with Justin.
I will trust that as we move forward God will continue to guide our path.
I hope that 2019 will bring you joy and peace, and even when it doesn't and it sucks and is hard, remember that putting one foot in front of the other will get you there eventually. Grief is hard, and physically and mentally exhausting. But life, life is hard too. Even without the grief we have faced so many challenges the last year and we will face more. It is so easy to get bogged down in the bad, but I have to stop and remember the good.
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| May 2019 be as beautiful as the Mountains covered in fresh snow. |
I lost my eye glasses on a tubing hill in Colorado last week. It was a small thing but just felt debilitating. I can see, things are just fuzzy far away and I can't read signs till I am on top of them. But you know what I can see. I already had an eye doctor appointment scheduled for tomorrow and I have old glasses that will get me through till then, even if my daughter says I look like an old lady in them. Also, I got to go tubing in Colorado and it was fun. Macy twisted her knee skiing for the first time in Colorado last week. But she can still get around and it is getting better. She got to go skiing in Colorado and she got her very own wheel chair ride through the airport. Sydney has to have surgery on her mouth on Friday and it sucks that she has to do this and it is scary and inconvenient. But we have insurance and I have time off to take. I have money to pay for surgery and we have medical capabilities available to us to fix what could cause her some major dental issues in the future. Life is hard people, but I just try to remember that I have so much to be thankful for and we have already survived so much.
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