My 8 is showing, a lot, and I probably won't ever get over it
At my work, we have been learning about the Enneagram, a kind of personality profile. We all took the test and then read a great book called, The Road Back to You. I have really enjoyed reading this book and learning more about my co-workers, what makes us tick, and how we can work together better. It has also been interesting for me to look at who I am.
As a wife and mother so much of my identity was tied up in being those two things. Now without my wife identity and taking on a new title of widow, I have had to look at who I am without Justin. I have also changed my identity in work. I previously found part of my identity in my professional career. I gave all of that up to take this job, that provides me a better environment to heal and grow and find my way. So, I have had a lot of identity change in the last year.
In the Enneagram, I am an 8 with a 1 wing. The 8 is a the Challenger. I know those of you that know me say, yeah, of course.
"In brief, Eights want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and independence, to be important in their world, to have an impact on their environment, to have the unquestioned loyalty of their inner circle, and to stay in control of their situation. Eights do not want to feel weak or vulnerable, to feel out of control, to be dependent on others, to have their decisions or authority questioned, to lose others' backing, or to be surprised by others' unexpected actions."
This entire grief situation has challenged every part of who I am. My situation is completely out of my control. I am completely dependent on others for help. I feel weak and vulnerable all the time. It has been stretching and challenging. I see in myself, that as I give up these things I think I need, control, independence, and strength, and put all my hope and dependence in God, the more I see the true nature of my personality given to me by God.
We have had a specialist come in and discuss the Enneagram with our office. He says that when an 8 can be vulnerable with others that it is inspiring. Then, he said that it is hard for an 8 to be truly intimate with someone. However, when an 8 opens up and really lets someone in it is beautiful.
Here is the thing I didn't realize about my grief until I was sitting in the conference room with tears running down my face on both sides. I have only really let one person in all the way. Justin knew me, the truest me, and he saw me even when I didn't. He knew my soul and he loved me. I let one person in and he left.
That is a loss that I will never get over.
But as I learn more about who I am, I see that this loss I will always carry with me can also help me. I can still grow. I can take all of that strength and loyalty and hopefully have a positive impact on my environment. I hope that at my best, I can be these things that the Enneagram says I can be. "At their best, Eights are honorable, heroic, empowering, generous, gentle, constructive, initiating, decisive, and inspiring."
What are you doing with the gifts you have been given? Are you helping, giving, or empowering? There is good and bad in every loss and situation. I will choose to use mine for good. I see the unhealthy parts of my personality and how that has hindered me in the past. I could choose those paths now. I could be angry, vengeful or belligerent, but I know that isn't being my best self. I have that desire in me to yell and burn bridges, but I know the best me is the one that brings down my walls and tells people the true hard, real stuff of life and that they can get through it too.
If you are intrigued by the Enneagram like me, I recommend taking the RHETI type indicator from the Enneagram Institute and if you are a person of faith, The Road back to You is a wonderful intro into how God made us and how the types of the Enneagram affect our relation with those around us.
As a wife and mother so much of my identity was tied up in being those two things. Now without my wife identity and taking on a new title of widow, I have had to look at who I am without Justin. I have also changed my identity in work. I previously found part of my identity in my professional career. I gave all of that up to take this job, that provides me a better environment to heal and grow and find my way. So, I have had a lot of identity change in the last year.
In the Enneagram, I am an 8 with a 1 wing. The 8 is a the Challenger. I know those of you that know me say, yeah, of course.
"In brief, Eights want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and independence, to be important in their world, to have an impact on their environment, to have the unquestioned loyalty of their inner circle, and to stay in control of their situation. Eights do not want to feel weak or vulnerable, to feel out of control, to be dependent on others, to have their decisions or authority questioned, to lose others' backing, or to be surprised by others' unexpected actions."
This entire grief situation has challenged every part of who I am. My situation is completely out of my control. I am completely dependent on others for help. I feel weak and vulnerable all the time. It has been stretching and challenging. I see in myself, that as I give up these things I think I need, control, independence, and strength, and put all my hope and dependence in God, the more I see the true nature of my personality given to me by God.
We have had a specialist come in and discuss the Enneagram with our office. He says that when an 8 can be vulnerable with others that it is inspiring. Then, he said that it is hard for an 8 to be truly intimate with someone. However, when an 8 opens up and really lets someone in it is beautiful.
Here is the thing I didn't realize about my grief until I was sitting in the conference room with tears running down my face on both sides. I have only really let one person in all the way. Justin knew me, the truest me, and he saw me even when I didn't. He knew my soul and he loved me. I let one person in and he left.
That is a loss that I will never get over.
But as I learn more about who I am, I see that this loss I will always carry with me can also help me. I can still grow. I can take all of that strength and loyalty and hopefully have a positive impact on my environment. I hope that at my best, I can be these things that the Enneagram says I can be. "At their best, Eights are honorable, heroic, empowering, generous, gentle, constructive, initiating, decisive, and inspiring."
What are you doing with the gifts you have been given? Are you helping, giving, or empowering? There is good and bad in every loss and situation. I will choose to use mine for good. I see the unhealthy parts of my personality and how that has hindered me in the past. I could choose those paths now. I could be angry, vengeful or belligerent, but I know that isn't being my best self. I have that desire in me to yell and burn bridges, but I know the best me is the one that brings down my walls and tells people the true hard, real stuff of life and that they can get through it too.
If you are intrigued by the Enneagram like me, I recommend taking the RHETI type indicator from the Enneagram Institute and if you are a person of faith, The Road back to You is a wonderful intro into how God made us and how the types of the Enneagram affect our relation with those around us.
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